Let Me Tell You About My Ma

     
Just before Father’s Day (like one day before) I was scrambling to get the "perfect" Father’s Day card for Mr. Lucky. The tireless father to our two sons certainly deserved more than a card that read ‘For my best friend, my lover, and my everlasting soulmate’ on the outside. On the inside ‘and occasionally all three of you piss me off.’ So, I opted for a nice sentimental card, just on the fringes of being too gushy. The other one is still tucked in my desk drawer waiting for the perfect occasion and, of course, the misplaced envelope.
Moving along....while perusing the FD (that’s Father’s Day) cards I noticed one that honored a mother for being both a mother and a father. It occured to me later, as things often do, that this would have been perfect for my mom. She was widowed at the age of 31 with three kids to raise. Looking back I don’t have a clue as to how she managed it. She didn’t drive. The upside of that was that we/she didn’t have car expenses. The price of gas was of no concern to her. Groceries were, however. They were always there, too. She raised a vegetable garden which was rivaled by her beautiful flowers.  I could go on and on about her cooking skills.

She had a way about getting her point across that didn’t require lectures, spanking, or curfews. If we, my brother, sister, and I fought we were required to sit on chairs, back-to-back and watch the clock. And no talking. I don’t recall the time frame. At the time it seemed like 2 hours, but it was probably closer to 10 or 15 minutes.
One time I complained about the way she put the clean sheets on my bed. Well, guess what! The next week on change day the sheets were removed and the clean sheets were waiting for me to make up the bed. I think I was about 8 or 9. Then there was the morning that I neglected to eat my oatmeal. It was waiting for me at lunchtime.  (That was back in the day when town kids were expected to go home for lunch). Have you ever had cold oatmeal? Later when I was "allowed" to take a sack lunch I fussed about the way she made my sandwich. Too much butter. That was the end of her lunch making.  After that I was on my own..

Mom, or Ma, as I called her–much to her chagrin, had grit. When I was 6, my brother 9, and my sister 11 she packed our suitcases, left the family dog with Grandma and off we went to southern California to visit her father–on the train, of all things. Can you image? Three kids on a train for 1500 miles? One of our train changes was out in the proverbial middle of nowhere in the dark of night. The ‘depot’ was closed so we sat on our suitcases outside waiting for the train. Things were different in the 50's. She had not been much further than Lewiston, Idaho herself at that time. We made it down and back just fine. I have witnessed people who have trouble taking their kids to K Mart.
One fine summer evening she and my Aunt Margaret sent all of us "kids" to the movie....the three of us and four cousins. While we were gone she and Margaret laid new linoleum in the kitchen. All in an evening’s work.
I’m not sure but I think Nike got their slogan from her. You know..."just do it".

She had outlived two husbands, one son, her parents, and most of her friends, before she went to the great garden in heaven. I miss her every day. Anyway to make a long story short she was the best Dad in the world too.  

I have a book called "Oh, No! I’ve Become My MOTHER". I should be so lucky!

This picture was taken at her 90th Birthday Clebration.  On the right is my beautiful sister, Judy.  Some people say we resemble one another.

The First Saturday in May

So on the first Saturday in May I have a bit of a ritual. I peruse the local paper, the internet, place my meager bets,  and get all ready to enjoy the most exciting 2 minutes in sports.

There are many things to consider when betting 20 to 25 dollars on some horse you have never seen run. You would think the most important thing would be the jockey. Make that the second most important thing. The horse should maybe be your first consideration. Things like his bloodline, his win/loss record should come into play. Then you might want to think about the track. Has the horse raced on dirt like the Kentucky Derby track or is he more of a hard surface track kind of horse? Then you have to think about the starting position. No one likes their horse to be in the number one spot. (Bear in mind, I’m no authority on race horses, but I read this on the internet. That makes it gospel). Traffic is too heavy there. Historically more horses have won the derby from the middle of the pack.

Now you have a good idea of where to start. I don’t mess around with any of this stuff which could be why I am not a big winner. My first consideration is the horse’s name and why he was named that. Several years ago a horse by the name of I’ll Have Another was in the lineup. I thought the name was kind of catchy and more so when I discovered the owner liked cookies and would ‘have another cookie’. A horse called Wicked Strong appealed to me last year. New England owners came up with that one.

This past Saturday after throwing darts at the lineup list rather than going with some logical selections it occurred I needed the proper attire. The next step was to create a proper and fitting hat. I have lots of hats (one of my many fetishes) but none proper for the Kentucky Derby. Lucky me. I just happened to have a wide brimmed straw-looking hat. It was sort of scrunched out shape but that was part of the appeal. All it took was some silk flowers and a bit of ribbon. Was I stylin’?

I might add that none of the horses I wagered on did anything. I’m pretty sure the three I bet on did cross the finish line. But Bonnie, our canine princess, looked better than any of the horses with her not rose wreath.

Now on to the Preakness.

Snowbirding for Fun and Definitely Not Profit....(chapter one).

As some of you might know Mr. Lucky and I do the ‘snowbird’ thing. We try to escape to warmer weather for a while in the winter. Countless hours are spent loading the motor home with enough food to feed a high school football team for a couple of months, a supply of clothes for cold weather, rainy weather, snowy weather, and of course warm weather. It could happen that we would not be able to find a grocery store or a place to buy a sweatshirt or tank top. (Ha)

Our first night was spent in beautiful downtown Emmett, Idaho. I used to say that there was not much of anything more unpleasant than snow on a Firebird, but I have since changed my mind. Snow on a picnic table in your RV park is not at all pleasant or pretty.  
 
Our first final destination was Bullhead City, Az. To get there one must white knuckle their way right through the freeway traffic in Las Vegas or attempt to skirt around it. Our previous navigator, which we affectionately called Helga, directed us right through through Vegas. (Helga speaks with what appears to be a Swedish accent). Oh, yeah. We don’t always call her Helga. Sometimes Mr. Lucky will ask "What did that bitch say now?" Well, Helga had to be replaced. As yet the new one remains nameless, but I’m sure that will change as we become better acquainted with her. She didn’t take us through downtown Vegas, but on our way to Emmett she allowed us to tour nearly every barn and farmhouse from the Oregon/Idaho state line to Emmett. I did not know that so many rusty tractors existed.

When in Bullhead City we like to take in a few of the local attractions. One of them is a wild animal rescue place called Keepers of the Wild. We opted for the guided tour which was on an old Austrian military transport truck, circa 1953. It was a 6 cylinder job running on at least 2...sometimes. Uphills were a bit of a challenge. However, our driver/guide didn’t ask us to get out and push. I don’t recommend taking pictures through a chain link fence but the options were somewhat limited..

Another hot spot near Bullhead City is a little town that refused to die. Oatman. It is noted for its burro population that wanders about the streets and into the stores, looking for a handout. One of the several eateries in town staples $1.00 bills all over the place. I’m not sure why, but it tends to make me crazy thinking about how many pair of shoes I could buy with those bills if they were all stacked up neatly in one pile. Rumor has it that there is in excess of $40,000 stapled about on the walls and ceilings.

Then there is the car show held every January in Laughlin, NV. For the second straight year we have had the pleasure of seeing a 1960 Studebaker Lark like the one Mr. Lucky had when we got married. The young man who owns and loves it has worked diligently on the nearly complete restoration. Kudos to him.

We have been told many times that if you are going to go to Arizona you must "see Quartzsite". It is billed as the biggest flea market in the world. Ok. Last year we decided to check it out. You can see that someone from 3/B Idaho gave it look as well. In Quartzsite it is likely that you can buy just about anything you might want. True to form I bought a t-shirt. It’s Amazon.com in real life. One thing I missed was a book store which is owned and operated by a part time musician who generally wears nothing but a sock on his, well you figure it out. He did have the book my friend was looking for when she happened in there. Hmmm. I like books, too.

And once in a while you’ll see one of these...Beep Beep!





To be continued.....keep checking....piecefromthevalley.blogspot.com. for more of our RV adventures.  Better yet...add your name to the "follow by email" thingy. You’ll never miss one of these exciting and thought-provoking blogs.

Creatures of Habit

As a teenager I worked in our local theatre–popcorn girl–as did my sister, my cousin, and my aunt before me.  When someone would come in and ask if Jane Doe or Joe Blow would happen to be there I knew a.) If they were there and b.) where they were sitting.  Obviously since I was the popcorn girl I knew what sort of refreshments they bought.

"Tom? He’s in the balcony, left side, about halfway down. Hilda is midway down, right hand side, near the wall." And so on. Tom usually got a dime bag and a large root beer.  Back then a dime bag was popcorn.

The same seating scenario applies to church goers.  Oft times whole families will occupy the same pew each Sabbath.  The Hatfields will be in the third pew from the rear on the left. Meanwhile the McCoys will be in the fifth row from the front on the right.

And Bingo players.  Let me warn you about them. One time Mr. Lucky and I were enjoying a breakfast buffet that was used later for bingo.  Apparently we lingered over our coffee a bit too long.  A couple of bingo players made it abundantly clear that we were occupying THEIR SPOT for bingo.   It must have been their lucky spot.

Don’t get the idea that you’ll be allowed to sit just anywhere at a Senior Citizen’s hangout. Oh, no.   Think again.  Some seniors make bingo players look like whimps.  For that reason Mr. Lucky and I don’t play bingo, especially with senior citizens.  We're afraid to. 

Because we don’t have a 45 foot motor home complete with a washer and dryer set up when we are on the road I require the use of a laundromat.   Interestingly the same "spot possessiveness" occurs in laundromats.   I use 3 or 4 washers and I want them to be all in row with dryers in close proximity. None of that skipping about all around the room.  If fact, if there doesn’t happen to be the required number of washers all lined up like I want them to be, I’ll skip laundry for an hour or so and wait it out.  I have noticed this to be the case with most everyone else.

It’s been years since we have been to a drive-in movie but thinking back we always seemed to park in the same area. Close to the snack bar and in a spot with good speakers....not those scratchy sounding ones.
So the next time I have to attend a funeral I am going to switch it up a bit and sit somewhere other than the first available row in the back of the chapel. 

Christmas Dilemma

Christmas Dilemma

As any red blooded American can relate I have suffered from the Christmas Dilemma of what gifts to buy, how much decorating to do. Do I want the place to look like the Griswalds have taken over or what to fix for Christmas Dinner? Or even to fix Christmas Dinner.

Now I am faced with a unique problem. Well, unique to me. Those of you who have been invited to partake in an Ugly Sweater Contest may have a better handle on this. I’m new to thisl I have not been in the habit of creating Ugly Sweaters or Sweatshirts. In fact, to the contrary. In my fabric hawking days the idea was to create good looking, flattering sweaters and sweatshirts. One time I was even asked to make an apron to be worn in a Christmas Fashion Show the local Chamber of Commerce was putting on. My creation, worn by the Mistress of Ceremonies, was a showstopper. Well, ok. The apron wasn’t the showstopper, but when my beautiful niece, Summer, appeared on the runway in red knickers, that was the show stopper. You get the idea. I am not used to making ugly stuff.

So....because I was not really familiar with Ugly Sweaters and the like I went directly to my information source; Amazon. Practically as I searched for them there was a price change. Are you ready for this? The prices on some of these less than desirable sweaters WENT UP.

It is abundantly clear that I have to get out more. What should make sense doesn’t. It’s like working for the government.

So, instead of ordering an ugly sweater from Amazon I plan to go to the dollar store and buy some silly, unattractive decorations and safety pin them onto a sweater from the Salvation Army. Details to follow. While I’m at it I’m sure I can find some creative number for Mr. Lucky wear. (Wink).

Stay tuned. I’ll report on the end result.

As Seen On TV

As Seen on TV

For you non-over-achievers out there in shopping land I have a few tips for shopping or I should say not shopping. If you haven’t done your Christmas shopping yet, you might appreciate this.

It’s all about my experiences with the ‘As Seen on TV’ stuff which I usually buy in stores

to save the shipping and handling. Have you ever noticed that the second one is free, but you get to pay the shipping on the second one? But I digress.

Let me tell you about some of my experiences with that incredible Pocket Hose. Notice I said experiences. I am the idiot who bought not one, not two, but three. Ok. The first one just sprung a leak. A little hole in the middle of the thing appeared. Dang it. We were getting along so nicely. Like the guy on TV says it’s lightweight and easy to drag around. Anything can malfunction. So, off to the store where they pleasantly replaced it with a brand spanking new one. About 48 hours later the business end popped right off the brand new (2^nd) one. After changing my clothes from the cold shower that minor hose explosion created, I went back to the store. Hmmm. They were out of Pocket Hoses. It seems that they had been having quite a run on returns, too. They politely refunded my money. I’m thinking that the problem was with the plastic connecting gizmo. Silly me. So my next course of action was to spend yet twice as much money for the X-Pro Hose. The guy on TV bashes the brass fitting with a hammer of the X-Pro. So after seeing this commercial no less than 9 times I zip off to get this magical X-Pro hose with the brass fitting. Well, I’m hear to tell you DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY OR TIME ON IT. The magical brass fitting is what blew off my new X-Pro Hose.

Remember a few years ago every 20 minutes or so you were entertained by a ‘As Seen on TV’ commercial about a wonderful handbag. The actress on TV put an incredible number of things in one of them. She crammed in a wallet, a bottle of water, umbrella, a gaggle of keys, makeup of all kinds, a pile of credit cards and I think I saw a small poodle - all into the purse, which by the way, came in a variety of colors. That was one of the selling points for me. I bought a blue one and a red one. The end result was you could put all this stuff in the bag and it was just a matter of time until it started to fall out.

Despite my hose failures and the malfunctioning handbag I have had some more positive experiences. If someone on your is in need of a cane, I recommend the "Trusty Cane"....not to be confused with the Hurry Cane. Mine usually will not stand alone like ‘as seen on TV’, but the light works. Ok...Mr. Lucky did have to put the battery in it.

Another of my success stories is a little number for cooking in a quick and easy fashion called an Xpress Cooker. In fact I have been so satisfied with this one that I bought the new and improved model. Whoopee. One for the house and one for the motor home.

How can you go wrong with a cookbook for making Dump Cakes? I haven’t used it yet, but I have it and at some point I’m sure I’ll need to dump a glob of cake batter and some assorted items into a pan and bake it for awhile.

You may have had a good laugh when you saw the commercial for the cloth pocket gizmo for baking potatoes. Well, it works. I figured out how to make my own for a lot less than ten bucks, but I caved and bought my first one. And FYI you can bake sweet potatoes in them, too. And even yams. Oh, my. Be still-my heart.

Another thing in the win column is a set of "Hard to Find" County Music CDs. That was Mr. Lucky’s Father’s Day present. A big hit, I might add.
  

In retrospect I have done pretty good with my As Seen On TV experiences. But I am a bit of a pro when it comes to shopping. Just ask Mr. Lucky. He doesn’t seem to think shopping is a sport.

　

　

　

　

Ask and You May Not Receive

I don’t plan to turn this piece (from the valley) into Miss Lura’s Advice Column but it has occurred to me that some folks need a refresher on what questions may or may not be appropriate to ask. Bear in mind that children under the age of 4 or 5 are pretty much exempt from my guidelines. But please don’t use them to ask questions you shouldn’t.

We all know, or should know, that you don’t go around asking women or men, for that matter, how old they are. You can always come in the back door and ask what year they graduated from high school. Usually this will give you a clue and you can do some simple math and figure it out.

Along those same lines in most cases it’s ok to ask someone how tall they are, but don’t be stupid enough to ask how much they weigh. Not very many folks are happy with their weight. Medical workers are not exempt. If you happen to be put into a position where you have to answer this rude question I suggest you do what I do. Give them the number on your driver’s license. Bungee jumping would be the one exception to the rule.

You maybe shouldn’t go around asking people what size shoe they wear. "Hey, Phoebe, where in the heck do you buy your shoes? What size are those gunboats? Thirteens?" Don’t do that. The same is true with their dress, bra, belt, pants, and sometimes even ring sizes.

Speaking of rings....it is not cool to ask how many carats the diamond is. Worse yet, "Is that rock real? They are making such nice looking cubic zirconias now days."

Hair color is another gray (ha ha) area. If their hair is blue, fuchsia, or purple you pretty much know it’s a dye job. I’m going out on a limb here in guessing that probably 30 to 50 % of the women color their hair in some way. To say nothing of the men folk. But who cares? You don’t need to know, and/or ask, no matter how bad you want to.

Some folks are offended if you ask them if they made their cake from scratch or "was this made with a mix?" Don’t worry about offending me with that one. I haven’t made a cake from scratch since I was in Home Ec class in the last century. And the stove I baked it in was electric, not wood. It has been me and Betty Crocker all these years. Nowadays you can buy cookie mixes, too. A little FYI... you can add 2 eggs and ½ cup of oil to any cake mix and turn it into cookie dough. Works for me.

We have mid-term elections coming up, folks, and a lot of people are reluctant to be blabbing about who they are likely to vote for? Maybe you don’t need to ask them.

"What did you do with the money your mother gave your for _______________?" Fill in the blank. Singing lessons? A haircut? A new shirt?

Last but not least...."When is the baby due?" This is not good in so many ways. What if she had the baby a month ago? What if she was not nor never has been pregnant? Back in the olden days (the sixties) you could tell if a women was "in the family way" by the type of clothing she wore. Lovely creations called smocks. As soon as the baby was born the smocks were retired and sometimes burned in a ceremonious fashion.

I graduated somewhere between 1961 and 1971.