Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Ask and You May Not Receive

I don’t plan to turn this piece (from the valley) into Miss Lura’s Advice Column but it has occurred to me that some folks need a refresher on what questions may or may not be appropriate to ask. Bear in mind that children under the age of 4 or 5 are pretty much exempt from my guidelines. But please don’t use them to ask questions you shouldn’t.

We all know, or should know, that you don’t go around asking women or men, for that matter, how old they are. You can always come in the back door and ask what year they graduated from high school. Usually this will give you a clue and you can do some simple math and figure it out.

Along those same lines in most cases it’s ok to ask someone how tall they are, but don’t be stupid enough to ask how much they weigh. Not very many folks are happy with their weight. Medical workers are not exempt. If you happen to be put into a position where you have to answer this rude question I suggest you do what I do. Give them the number on your driver’s license. Bungee jumping would be the one exception to the rule.

You maybe shouldn’t go around asking people what size shoe they wear. "Hey, Phoebe, where in the heck do you buy your shoes? What size are those gunboats? Thirteens?" Don’t do that. The same is true with their dress, bra, belt, pants, and sometimes even ring sizes.

Speaking of is not cool to ask how many carats the diamond is. Worse yet, "Is that rock real? They are making such nice looking cubic zirconias now days."

Hair color is another gray (ha ha) area. If their hair is blue, fuchsia, or purple you pretty much know it’s a dye job. I’m going out on a limb here in guessing that probably 30 to 50 % of the women color their hair in some way. To say nothing of the men folk. But who cares? You don’t need to know, and/or ask, no matter how bad you want to.

Some folks are offended if you ask them if they made their cake from scratch or "was this made with a mix?" Don’t worry about offending me with that one. I haven’t made a cake from scratch since I was in Home Ec class in the last century. And the stove I baked it in was electric, not wood. It has been me and Betty Crocker all these years. Nowadays you can buy cookie mixes, too. A little FYI... you can add 2 eggs and ½ cup of oil to any cake mix and turn it into cookie dough. Works for me.

We have mid-term elections coming up, folks, and a lot of people are reluctant to be blabbing about who they are likely to vote for? Maybe you don’t need to ask them.

"What did you do with the money your mother gave your for _______________?" Fill in the blank. Singing lessons? A haircut? A new shirt?

Last but not least...."When is the baby due?" This is not good in so many ways. What if she had the baby a month ago? What if she was not nor never has been pregnant? Back in the olden days (the sixties) you could tell if a women was "in the family way" by the type of clothing she wore. Lovely creations called smocks. As soon as the baby was born the smocks were retired and sometimes burned in a ceremonious fashion.

I graduated somewhere between 1961 and 1971.