Monday, December 9, 2013

Keeping Safety First

Ok. So in order to keep up with the Joneses, well, actually the Moores, we bought an outdoor firebowl. Really. That’s the name of this firebreathing gadget. It’s a propane outdoor campfire. It came with it’s own supply of rocks. And instructions. Keep reading.

On page 1 of the ‘Safety Manual’ under the heading of DANGER the first item is–if you smell gas: 1. Shut off gas to the appliance. (That seems reasonable) 2. Extinguish any open flame. (Ok. No problem with that line of thinking.) 3. If odour continues, keep away from the appliance and immediately call your gas supplier or fire department. My translation here – run like hell. There appears to be more technical stuff like hooking up hoses and valves and other assorted gagetry. Good thing for me that Mr. Lucky has a knack for putting things together.

Moving along, I skipped ahead to page 4 of the aforementioned ‘Safety Manual’ to Section 1 - Assembly. The word Assembly is in red, so you know right away that it is mighty important. Step 1 tells me that there are four bags of rocks and one factory installed 10' propane-rated hose with attached regulator. Step 2. "Remove plastic bags containing the rocks". Step 3. Open the bag containing the smaller rocks, labelled conveniently for you "Put Me In First" and arrange in burner area. Step 4. Next, open the bag of medium sized rocks, labelled conveniently for you "Put Me In Second" and place over the small rocks. Step 5. Finally, open the bag of larger rocks, labelled conveniently for you "Put Me in Last" and arrange over top of the medium rocks. Wait there’s more. Step 6 - The fourth bags of rocks are included as spares and are labelled "Spare Rocks". They even provided a picture in black and white showing how the rocks should look when all arranged in the burner thingy. You are then reminded not to touch the hot rocks. And don’t be arranging the rocks while the unit is ignited. Ok. I’ll be mindful of that.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Just by happenstance I picked up a can of that snack cheese in the can with the handy nozzle deal. It says right on the can "For best results remove cap." I’m thinking for any kind of results one should remove the cap. By the way, did you know that that stuff has 80 calories a serving?

A side note .... I really do know how to spell the word labeled. I copied it word-for-word and it was quite a challenge to misspell it so many times. I am expecting the spelling police to show up. They will probably team up with the rock police.