Super Bowl Fun

Anything penned by Dave Barry catches my eye. That was the case as I was thumbing through the magazine (?) that’s tucked inside the Sunday paper. There in black and white was a column written by Dave Barry with suggestions for a successful Super Bowl Party. Mr. Barry is married to a sports writer so my guess is that he knows all the ins and outs of putting on a Super Bowl Party.

His column did not disappoint. He suggested that the first thing to do was to lay in a supply of beer. None of that light stuff, either. Real full-bodied beer. He didn’t suggest Pete’s Wicked Ale, but I’m pretty sure it would do. Chips was the next item. No need get all "Martha Stewart-y" he says. Skip the bowls and just pass out bags to everyone. I’m thinking that would sure eliminate a lot of that pesky cleanup, too. If you have enough beer Dave says a TV is optional.

For a number of years I hawked fabric in my fabric shop. I had a different twist on Super Bowl Sunday. A fabric sale. Not just ho-hum fabric sale. This was a big deal. I would schedule the "event" to start before the pre-game festivities and keep it going until the last touchdown dance was performed. The idea of buying fabric at 40% off seemed to have its appeal to a lot of my customers. Oh....I had chips, too. Beer wasn’t necessary. However, I am not sure but what a few of the ladies didn’t sneak in wine coolers.

As with anything involving women and fabric sales, I had to have rules in place. No pushing, shoving, or grabbing another person’s fabric. There was to be no mention of the score of the game. The most important rule was this: What happens in the fabric shop stays in the fabric shop. There was to be no tongue wagging about how much Bertha spent on fabric or what Harriet had to say about her worthless son-in-law.

In keeping with this line of thinking....shopping and sales and the like.... If you can’t find a fabric sale, look for a shoe sale. They are almost as much fun. Whatever it takes without having to spend hours pretending to enjoy a ball game that doesn’t even have a pitcher. If all else fails you can stroll through used car lots and get the sales staff out of the office. Think how much they will appreciate the opportunity to get out of the office where the TV is.

Enjoy your day!

New Year’s Resolutions....or lack thereof

So...what with January of the New Year about over this is the time when most people have abandoned their less than sincere resolutions to continue the bad habits they have spent years acquiring. That is pretty much why I don’t waste my time making resolutions. There is no point in creating false hope.

It occurred to me that if one didn’t make resolutions they might be inclined to have dreams. You know, like a Bucket List. So in no particular order I started asking folks what was on their bucket lists. Most people had to stop and think about it, not having it on the tip of their tongue. For a couple folks I had to explain what a Bucket List was. Cutting to the chase I found that most folks had travel on their list. That is no doubt because I asked mostly "senior citizens"...the ones who have time to travel. Not one person I asked had bungee jumping on their list. Nor sky diving. Not one person mentioned snorkeling. (I added snorkeling because I find the word amusing. "Hey, George. Did you get any snorkeling in today?" "No Henry. I had to shuck oysters so I couldn’t snorkel." ) Back to my story..... Some picked destinations that they had already been with the idea of visiting family. Cruises topped the list for several people. One adventurous woman wanted to shoot an elk. Well, guess what? She did it. One guy said his bucket was dented.
Now with all this chit chat about Bucket Lists I thought I would share my list. At the very top is a trip down the Mississippi River on a river boat. Did you see the movie Maverick with James Garner? That kind of river boat. A great big, grand one with gambling and maid service. I realize this is going to be costly. So....if the 12 or 14 of you who read this would start sending me money, say, every month or so, in a couple of years I would have enough saved up to finance this endeavor.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on my travel plans.

Christmas Gift Buying Guide

I have taken it upon myself to give you some hints for gift buying for your loved ones or even casual acquaintances. If you follow these few simple guidelines it will help you to have a merrier Christmas. (Well, it could).

I’ll start with the ladies.....

#1. She doesn’t want a paid up membership to Weight Watchers for a year, or even a month. She may want it, but she sure as heck doesn’t want you to buy it for her. While we are on the subject make sure you know the answer to the question "Does this dress make me look fat?" Correct answer..."Of course not".

#2. After perusing # 1 you really shouldn’t have to be told not to get her a membership to a gym. But just in case, I’ll add that one next.

#3. Kitchen appliances and gadgets are ok if you tuck in a little something extra. Like, say, under the lid of that beautiful new blender you insert a new gold bracelet, or tickets to see her favorite singer.

#4. Her favorite perfume is a good choice. Notice that I said favorite. Don’t come up with a fragrance that she doesn’t like.

#5. Gift certificates always fit. Chances are you will not be able to buy her clothes, shoes, handbags or jewelry that she will like. So why not take easy way out. However, make sure it comes from one of her favorite shops. If she would rather watch paint dry than cook, don’t give her a gift card from a kitchen store.

#6. Don’t try to slip in a gift for yourself disguised as one for her. A new ratchet set is not likely to be on her wish list.

Now for the guys......

#1. Slippers, ties, bathrobes....they are out for most men.

#2. Unlike kitchen appliances power tools are always a good choice. I watched enough episodes of Home Improvement to know this. If memory serves me correctly the words Turbo Charged will make a power tool even more attractive.

#3. His favorite liquor is a good choice and at Christmastime you might be able to find a bottle of something in a handsome gift box or package.

#4. Before you pick up a year’s supply of his favorite fragrance check to see if he has a couple year’s worth in the cabinet already from Christmases past.

# 5. Again with the gift certificates. They work for men, too. The same silly rules apply.

#6. I haven’t conducted a survey, but I am guessing that most men would not be all excited about a gizmo for trimming nose hair. You decide.

I hope this helps you to have a Merry Christmas and frees you up from having to exchange unwanted gifts. Happy New Year, too.

　

　

　

　

　

The Challenge of Words

I think it’s a good idea to know your strengths or more importantly—your weaknesses. If there is something that you are really lousy at doing perhaps you should give up and not do it.  You know, that expression “if at first you don’t succeed, give it up and quit making a fool of yourself” or something like that.

In my case there are lots of things I am pretty good at. I can cook well enough to keep my husband, Mr. Lucky, and me in the overweight category. I know my way around a sewing machine. I could balance my check book if I wanted to. With a little practice I can speak Pig Latin. (Is that statement politically correct?)

However, I have known for a long time that I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. I like to sing or make somewhat musical sounds that could resemble singing to someone a mile away. If I pop in a CD or a cassette (yes…I still have cassettes) I make darn sure no one is around to hear me singing along. If it’s just me and the dog I’ll belt it out as though I sound fine. In the car, alone, it’s the same thing. I’m a master at sing-along. However, you won’t catch me making a fool of myself with those Karaoke groupies. No way. It’s no surprise that no one has called to invite me to join a choir, either.

Every once in a while I think fishing would be fun. What a riot …. for anyone watching. I spend longer than most putting the worm thing on the hook. Then I cast toward the water. My line usually gets caught on something on shore, in back or me or in front. I can do it both ways. Untangle, rebait, recast. A couple of years ago I figured that the pole was too cumbersome so I bought one of those pocket fisherman deals. Same thing. Obviously the length of the pole was not the problem. There might be a place for me on one of those funny sports fishing videos. If at first you don’t succeed ….blah, blah.

This brings me to one of my latest endeavors. Words With Friends. I just started playing this game on Facebook last week. I am in various stages of a half dozen games. Some I have already lost and some I will soon be losing.  I have four going on with sister. From the get-go I knew I was destined to lose. Judy (I’ll call her that because that’s her name) is somewhat of a champion at board games. Since Words With Friends is a computer enhanced version of Scrabble I expected to be on the losing end with her SOME OF THE TIME. I didn’t expect to lose every game. Silly me. I did actually win one game of Yahtzee in about 1984. I have held my own playing Upwords with women who considered themselves to be wordsmiths. Did I mention that Upwords is a board game like Scrabble on steroids? But I have yet to master Words With Friends. In this case I am going to keep at it. Eventually I’ll win a game…maybe by default. Like maybe someone will forget it’s their turn.

Longevity

 I stumbled onto a list of only 5 things (count ‘em - only 5) things that one needs to do to increase longevity. Now, I’m unsure about the need to increase longevity, but I gave the list a once-over. After all, it was for only 5 things and it specifically omitted the obvious: diet, exercise, cut down on sugary snacks, and control stress.

Here they are:

    1. Engage in a hobby (I have this one covered. Facebook surely must count).

    2. Go on a vacation (I’m willing.)

    3. Sleep in on the weekends (Should weekends really be different?)

    4. Connect with other people (Again with the Facebook thing.)

    5. Floss your teeth (keep reading)

I could pretty much understand the psychology behind 1 through 4, and # 5 made good sense but I had no idea that gingivitis and periodontal disease could lead to a 23 to 46 percent higher rate of death. Hmmm. So if this is the case I decided to go on step further and make an appointment to see my dentist.  Reading this bit of wisdom and the fact that I had just chipped a tooth got me moving a little quicker to get an appointment. Dental appointments are not a treat for me.

So, last week I was all settled into the dentist’s chair all decked out with the little bib thing they hang on you. I off handedly asked the dentist, Rich Bailey, DMD if he had seen the Bill Cosby routine about going to the dentist. He assured me that it was required in dental school. Dr. Bailey is so young–I was surprised he even knew who Bill Cosby is. (I should have asked him if he remembered I Spy, Bill’s first TV show). Anyway, my dental appointment was much less painful and stressful because of the Bill Cosby discussion and Dr. Bailey’s occasional imitation of one of the Cosby Kids.

A couple hours later I ventured off to yet another appointment. Feeling the need to explain why I was talking like I had just downed a quart of vodka I explained that I had just been to see Dr. Bailey. That’s when I found out that Dr. Bailey was indeed the creator of Billy Bob Teeth. Check them out here: http://BillyBobteeth.org.

After having such a good time at the dentist, what with all the fun and laughter, I have decided that the longevity list is one item short. Laughter needs to be added.  That would be laughter. So, remember, if you see or read something remotely funny, especially if I wrote it, for God’s sake, laugh. Out loud. Like your life depends on it. Maybe it does.

Oh…and don’t forget to floss.

Making a Fashion Statement.......

Today’s fashions must surely be a conspiracy. Who in God’s green earth would want to dress and actually leave their homes looking the way women and some men do today?  People are wearing ragged jeans which sometimes don’t cover quite enough of their backside. How about the undergarment showing? Back in the olden days you wore your underwear, well, under. Then there is the pajama thing. It’s like “I have new pajamas. I’m going to Walmart”. What’s up with that?

I have some very simple fashion tips which I am very happy to share at no additional charge:

1. Bill Blass, the famous fashion designer, was quoted as having said “When in doubt, wear red”. I think this is a really good fashion tip. This little pearl of wisdom is especially helpful if you are going to be dining on spaghetti. Good ol’ Bill might have been referring to his designer fragrance, Red.
2. If it is uncomfortable don’t, I repeat DON’T, wear it. That goes for clothes that don’t fit right. If you have to keep tugging and adjusting your clothes, just give it up and change into something that fits. Included in this would be girdles (I think you can still buy them. I know you can get something called Spanx. I saw them on Oprah). The topic of comfort in clothes brings to mind the days of cancans. Remember those garments from hell? What were we thinking?   
3. Shoes. If you can’t walk in them from the get-go don’t buy them. One should avoid those pointy-toed things so high they put you at risk for nosebleeds. On the other hand, if the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
4. Just because it looks good on the hanger doesn’t mean it’ll look good on you. I’m guessing that a lot of people don’t bother to try things on in the store before they buy. That explains some of the “people of Wal-Mart”. Or there is a significant shortage of mirrors in this country.
5. Panty hose is out. Refer to # 2.

With all this being said some fashion rules were meant to be broken. Case in point…wearing, or not wearing, white after Labor Day. Here’s the deal. I bought a new shirt (on sale) specifically to wear with a pair of white capris in my closet. I have worn the white capris and the new shirt twice since Labor Day and I just might throw caution to the wind and wear them one more time before the month is up.  I might even sling a white purse over my shoulder and put on some white sandals. I’m not so worried about the Fashion Police showing up, but if those goons from TV’s What Not to Wear approach me I’m going to run like a Sasquatch is after me.

 

 

 

Sites in Elk River, Idaho

So, this past weekend, my husband (Mr. Lucky) and I, along with our dog, Bonnie, ventured all the way from Orofino to Elk River. Elk River is about 40 miles over the bridge and through the woods from here. However in the interest of not shaking the heck out of our motorhome we take the long way around making it about 83.7 miles one way. We avoid a lot of gravel, dust, and ginormous chuck holes.

Elk River is home to roughly 700 thousand miles of ATV trails. Well, maybe not quite that many, but a lot of them. The forest around is noted for its abundance of huckleberries, and Elk Creek Falls.

It is also home to a Giant Cedar tree. It is thought to be 3000 years old and worth a look along the paved foot path to get to it. I’m not sure how tall it is but I wouldn’t want to climb it.

Having put our shoes to good use on Saturday trekking to the ‘Giant Cedar’ we (I) thought it would be a good idea to experience the legendary Elk Creek Falls (in Idaho, that's crick) which is a series of 3 separate waterfalls. The Forest Service has made a number of trails, mostly dirt, with viewpoints for all three of the falls. Did I mention this was a foot path, like the one to the giant cedar tree? Anyway, the trails are marked quite nicely every so often with mileage posts so you know how far to the next one. Ha. It was apparent that the Forest Service had an excess of 1/4 mile markers or maybe the guy or gal who put up the signs had a sick sense of humor. Either way we trekked along the longest quarter mile stretches in history. Three times. From one junction we chose to go to the Upper Falls....1/4 mile with an arrow to indicate the path. About ½ to 3/4 of a mile later when we reached the Upper Falls, the sign says it’s 1/4 mile to the Middle Falls. Another ½ mile and you can take the still scenic route to a viewpoint to the Lower Falls. We came all that way so why not? Another 1/4 mile in Forest Service signage is roughly ½ mile. Did I mention it was uphill both ways?

Along the way, when I wasn’t gasping for air, I was trying to think up ways to convince Mr. Lucky to go back to the parking area (after all it was only 1/4 mile away) and get one of our ATVs and bring it back to rescue me. It seemed more reasonable than having him shoot me and rolling me off over the bank. (There was a cold beer on the ATV). There was that silly rule about "no motorized vehicles" on the trail. Mr. Lucky is a stickler for obeying the rules. Well, most of them. Along the way the trail blazers did place a number of benches for folks like me to rest and catch their breath. Too bad they didn't install a few oxygen tanks.  

We saw quite a number of people, no one over 21, I’m guessing, some with small children in tow. One young mother had a child, maybe 15 months old, in one of those backpack gizmoes.  I cautioned her to allow other members in the group to take a turn at carrying him. No need she said. She would be fine. Hmmm. Over-achiever, I thought. One nice young couple passed us TWICE. They were really padding them off. I’ll bet they knew a shortcut.

If you happen to be in the northwest corner of Clearwater County stop at Elk River. We really 'roughed' it this weekend by only eating out once at one of the three eateries. If you happen to be a fan of huckleberries you can stop in at Huckleberry Heaven for pie and/or ice cream. Don't forget about the Giant Cedar and the Elk Creek Falls.